Dear Mr Cockroach, #rip #cockroach

This is a letter explaining the reasons why you are no more.

I only met you for a short amount of time. The first time I saw you was in my bathroom when I was taking a shower. I didn’t kill you as I know that you will not bite me and you do not cause massive blisters on my foot (I’ve now have had 3 blisters FYI). I was also very much aware of your presence existing within our apartment. A note told me so. So I am prepared if you go looking for my food, however you seem to have mistaken places to find food with the bathroom.

Anyway.. I did not expect to be woken up this morning (IT WAS 3 AM DAMMIT!!!) by someone with spikey feet crawling up my leg. As any lady would tell you anything, anybody, anyone that joins them in bed at 3 am in the morning would by screamed at, squished and thrown out of bed. As I explained during your last moments on my bedroom floor you are not welcome in my bed, and that you were a very naughty cockroach. I would have given you a full funeral but I was tired and had to get up in the morning and was scared of you. So I swept you up using the dust pan and brush and threw you out of the 2nd floor balcony and heard you hit the ground.


Please do not come back,


All the best,

Girl who you saw naked in the shower and crawled up her leg.

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